EATING FOR BRITAIN: RIVER FARM, SMOKIN'

Ah, the joys of being on Twitter.

Well for me, not for poor old Dan Woodford whose unwise decision to follow me on said social networking site and to give a link to the website of the smokery where he was working led to an interchange of mails and an invitation for me to come up and spend a morning at The River Farm Smokery a short distance from Cambridge.

Dan was in his last few weeks of work at the smokery before moving to Italy, lucky bugger, but still seemed terribly enthusiastic as he showed me around the buildings that had been converted from old RAF sheds. The company has been going for nearly twenty-five years and for the last five, co-owner Chris Swailes has been building up an enviable business for their smoked fish and meat with clients including The Ivy and The Harwood Arms.

Dan has been there for three years and watching him at work, it is little wonder that the product is developing such a great reputation. He was working on smoked mackerel when I arrived and soon had me helping him with the gutting and cleaning of the beautifully fresh fish before he brined them for six hours before taking them to the kiln.

In the smoke room itself, things were already well under way for the day with trout, eel, duck breasts, plump cod’s roe and salmon sitting in the smoke of the smoldering ashes from German oak and dripping glistening oils down to the floor.

Because of other commitments, my stay was a short one. But, before I left, I watched Dan prepare the raw ingredients for their biggest seller, smoked salmon as he layered large fillets of superb looking farmed salmon from Scotland in a tray between layers of salt to draw the moisture out and add to the final flavour. He was extraordinarily passionate about his work and I suspect he will be a hard man to replace.

Before I left, of course, I had to taste the end result and nicked a few tastes as a fillet was being sliced and packed in the processing room. Unlike many smoked salmon I have tasted, that at The River Farm has a definite tinge of salt. Dan explained that some people found that a little too pronounced, but I have to say, I am a fan and the slight taste complimented the fattiness of the fish perfectly.

From their small on-site shop, I bought a selection of other smoked goodies to try including bacon, chicken and of course more of that salmon. It is well worth ordering some from their website, er so here it is www.riverfarmsmokery.co.uk

VIENNA - DAY ONE

Walk around collecting Turkish union dues
They will call you sir and shine your shoes

According to the firm Mercer Consulting, Vienna is one of the most liveable cities in the World. In fact, it’s equal third with Vancouver but behind Zurich and Geneva. The index used looks at factors such as safety, political stability, blah, blah, blah. After my weekend break I think they hadn’t taken into account a couple of factors that may make the city less tolerable: the Viennese love of smoking and their apparent disinterest in decent food.

The Viennese smoke like chimneys. They love smoking. Everyone does it with an intensity and joi de vivre that seems strangely absent from other parts of their lives. If you don’t smoke, tough. It may have been because the ban on smoking in London has been active for a while that I wasn’t prepared for the solid fug of smoke that greeted me in my first bar. I coughed my way through a couple of half litres of beer before retreating to the fresh air.

I tried an American Bar nearby but they wouldn’t let me in without checking my jacket so I left and found another American Bar called Loos Bar. Designed by Adolf Loos in the early 20th century it’s compact and very bijou. I managed to snag a seat and had time for a little DM action before my meal. Shame it wasn't as nice as the surroundings.

My first meal of the visit was real car crash stuff. Österreicher im MAK is a restaurant in the Museum of Applied Arts run by a famous Austrian chef Helmut Österreicher. It’s pretty nasty. Smoky, loud music and what was a probably a decent room ruined by inappropriate décor. It’s main claim to fame is that is has a chandelier made from bottles (Wooo- Hooo).

After sorting out my table – they kept trying to seat me in the bar area even though I had a reservation – I had along wait before anyone even came with a menu. In hindsight I should have walked then.

The USP of the place is that you can choose from old classic Viennese dishes or have chef’s updated interpretations. I went for the old school though I suspect you’d lose out whichever menu you chose from.

A duck-liver parfait with smoked breast of duck and red cabbage salad was way too cold, the parfait when it had thawed was unremarkable. Even worst was the Zwiebelrostbraten. This is roast beef, covered with crispy onions. I got two flat tasteless disks in a stale tasting gravy. The sautéed potatoes were barely cooked through and the advertised mustard pickle non-existent. I left most of this garbage and my plate was taken without comment.

I decided to go and try and find another place to eat but got knocked back at one place ("sorry, private party sir") probably because I was an inebriated Brit with a problem (several since you ask). I'd lost the will to do any more walking so I ended up having an excellent double espresso and a grappa in the Kleines Café which I liked so much I repeated my order. It killed the hunger pangs anyway and sent me back to my hotel in a better mood.