HERMANO SEGUNDO LOST IN LA LA LAND: DAY NINE (MORNING EDITION)

Apart from the time I allowed an attractive Scandinavian woman to shove a plastic tube up my jacksie to “flush out all the nastiness” I have always found opening oneself up to new experiences to be a good thing. So, when Sybil and her friends suggested that it would be fun if I joined them for the tailgate party before a UCLA football game, I just had to go along.

It was like nothing I had ever experienced before. As we arrived, thousands of cars were being marshalled on to the municipal golf course next to the famous Rose Bowl stadium and already fans of American Football were erecting elaborate structures under which to house their cookouts

Ours was a little more down home affair, but well organised by Sybil’s friends who had their Weber grill prepped and beers popped before you could say “second down and five”

All around us people we indulging in games of beer pong while eating hot dogs and the atmosphere was, despite the occasional boo for those in opposing team colours, very amiable and good natured. I couldn’t help wondering how a similar event would pan out if it was held in the parking lot of Old Trafford before a Chelsea game.

This was a daytime game beginning at 1pm, so our cookout involved a breakfast of eggs with chorizo, onions, peppers and cheese along with a grilled English muffin and washed down with a cold Red Stripe. Very good it was too and I could have stayed there all day getting slowly more sozzled.

There was, however, a game to go to and shortly before the match began, we cleared up our mess leaving barely a footprint and headed into the impressive old stadium. It was not at capacity, the opponents not being a major team, but the whole thing was great fun if, to a Brit, entirely incomprehensible and my companions patiently explained what the hell was happening on the pitch as I asked stupid questions. All I can tell you is that the person with the ball in American Football appears to be the safest person on the pitch.

At half time, when we had to leave to prepare ourselves for a major supper, UCLA were trailing badly. We later received a call to say they had turned things around for an exciting, last minute narrow victory, which made Sybil’s night and elicited regular and annoying chants of “Go Bruins” for a good part of our journey to dinner.

Rather good fun and my pre-Rotherham United match snack of a Pukka Pie and a cup of Bovril will never seem quite the same again.

P.S The picture at the end is of something called a funnel cake. It is one of the nastier things I have ever eaten and remember, if you will that I have eaten dog, rat, snake and cod sperm.