NUMARA BOS CIRRIK: YOUR CHEATING HEART (AND LIVERS AND KIDNEYS)

The scene is The Angel Mangal, London’s premiere Okabassi restaurant. Our heroes, Dos Hermanos enter to the plaintive sounds of Hank Williams coming from the speakers

“Your cheatin' heart will pine some day,
And crave the love,you threw away.
The time will come when you'll be blue,
Your cheatin' heart will tell on you”

They are greeted by Mustapha, the owner. A man of few emotions.

Hermano 2: Hi Mustapha, how are you?

Mustapha: Where have you been? You haven’t been in for a long time. Have you been trying some other place?

Hermano 1: No, Mustapha, it’s not like that. You know you are the only one for us.

Mustapha: What’s that on your collar? It looks like chilli sauce. It’s not the same colour as mine.

Hermano 2: Oh, that was just some guys fooling around at work. They thought it would be funny.

Mustapha: And you smell of grilling. That’s different charcoal. You’ve been going with another grill. Admit it.

Dos Hermanos begin to shuffle uneasily in their guilt and shame

Hermano 1: it was just this one time, OK? We were a long way from home and hungry for some of that sweet stuff.

Mustapha: Was it cheap?

Hermano 2: £20 each.

Hermano1: but, we were thinking about you the whole time. Really.

Mustapha: Did they open recently?

Hermano 2: No, you’re both about the same age

Mustapha: Are their pillow breads bigger than mine?

Hermano 1: No, they were a bit flat actually.

Mustapha: Did they give you sweetbreads?

Hermano 2 : no, they wouldn’t do that.

Mustapha: What about Salad? Did you get salad?

Hermano1: Yes, sigh, we got salad. It was no where near as big as yours

Hermano 1: Mustapha, you gotta forgive us. We promise it was a one time thing. We’ll never stray again.

Hermano 2: Yeah, Mustapha. We ATE there but we LOVE your special mixed grill.

Mustapha: I’m sorry, I am going to ask you to leave now. I am not sure I am going to be able to trust you again. I feel violated.

Dos Hermanos: ( together ) aw, shit.

Dos Hermanos leave shamefaced and with heads to the ground. They head to Hawksmoor where Jorge the best bartender in town cheers them up with unfeasibly well made cocktails while the strains of Sinatra play into the early hours

Well, thats how it goes
And Jorge I know you’re getting’ anxious to close
So thanks for the cheer
I hope you didn’t mind
My bending your ear
So, Make it one for Mustapha and one more for the road
THE END